I hate what illness does to people, how it breaks them of spirit and body. I hate that it leaves people feeling helpless, hopeless, and alone. Not only do they have to deal with the illness, but they also have to share with their family and friends what's going on. They can feel an obligation to keep the "brave" face on so that their family doesn't get upset. I hate illness.
Within the past few days, I have watched illness creep back into the life of a few people that prayed it was all gone. Not only is it back, it is back scarier and bigger and they are trying to pull it together to begin the battle all over again.
I listened as a friend shared with me that her family has been told that it is time to think about putting her father into hospice care. A man that has once battled for our freedom and the freedom of other countries is now in a hospital bed trying to fight for the life that he has and the control of how he continues to live it.
I have another friend and pink sister who has been told that there is no further treatment that can be done to help her. They are only able to make her days comfortable.
These people that I love are battling once again for their lives.
I remember when my illness changed for me. I was sitting on the couch and it was after my second diagnosis. My husband took the children out and I was home alone. I cried again. I was angry again. I felt helpless again.
It was while sitting on the couch wiping my face that I thought about things a little differently. Instead of asking why me, I accepted the fact that I am not guaranteed one moment with my family.
I can’t tell people that they are going to be fine. I can’t tell people what they are going to emotionally experience when diagnosed. I can’t tell people how to live their life.
All I do know is that the strength is within us to conquer all things. That doesn’t mean that the outcome will be health and everlasting life. That does mean that we can choose to live life for the time that we are here.
I really do hate the effects of illness. There has been a lot of sadness this week and as I listened to the stories that were shared with me, my heart took it all in and once again I am amazed at the strength of us. Even though fear was very present, the strength that underlies each person is awe-inspiring and I will be among the many family and friends that will stand beside them, love them, and support them to help them through.