Sunday, January 4, 2015
But Right Now :(
I have been watching ESPN since I woke up this morning and haven't been able to change the channel yet. In tears and heartbroken.
I hate you for taking another life.
I hate you for taking another parent away from their children.
I hate never hearing the words "Cancer Free."
I hate that we will never be able to have the feeling of safety that we had before cancer.
I hate that I will always fear a recurrence.
I hate that the lasting effects will never be understood by the the people that we most need to understand.
I hate that people assume that I am "cured" but that I will never be cured or feel cured.
I hate that I am afraid to go to the doctor because I know what will result from my concern.
I hate the feeling of loss and despair that I feel whenever cancer has taken another life.
I hate the pain that I go through just making it through day to day life all because of chemotherapy.
I hate that there is someone right now in pain and fighting trying to hold on.
I hate that there is someone right now who is hearing the words of diagnosis.
I know that this moment will pass. I know that soon I'll be laughing, watching football with my hubby, and getting my children ready to return to school tomorrow. I know that soon my tears will dry up and I'll turn the channel because of emotional overload but right now,
I hate you cancer!!