Oh my gracious! It’s been quite a while since I’ve written in my blog and I’ve really missed it. Getting back into the swing of teaching, writing lesson plans, grading papers, and my own evening class has been tough. I really enjoy what I do, but there’s something about writing that I’ve always loved. I remember keeping a diary as a young girl and then a journal as a young woman. I have journals for each of my kids and one for my husband and in them I try to express everything they mean to me.
Today, I’ll be adding to my 13 year old son’s journal. He had an appointment today and at the end, the Dr decided to do a biopsy on him. No, it’s not cancer or a concern for it. The Dr just wants to check a few things out. I was fine with that. Joked with my son, worked on a few puzzles with him while we waited and played a little Candy Crush. Then they called him back again. He puts on the gown and while he’s lying there, it hits me, my son is having a biopsy.
My 13 yr old son is having a biopsy!
It wasn’t a biopsy for cancer so I am not worried or afraid of what this test will show. It was sitting in the chair looking at him stretched out and looking towards the ceiling. Is this what the future would be like for him? Watching it happen, I felt so helpless. He laughed at me when I offered to hold his hand, but admitted that he was a little nervous because he didn’t know what to expect.
I did know, but I didn’t share it with him. Instead, I only told him about the Novocain shot he was about to get and then we laughed and talked our way through his test.
When it was over, I rubbed my swollen arm slowly and watched my son sit up. When it was over, he sat up and asked the Dr if he would be able to go to soccer practice tonight to watch.
After my son confirmed that he would be able to play his game on Sunday, we left.
On the way home, my son thought about the puzzle book he was looking at, and my thoughts were about 4 children that count on us for survival, and I was praying that I didn’t sentence them to death.
I take great pride in knowing that I beat cancer 3 times. However, there is no worse feeling than knowing that my survival status may open the door to future health problems for my children.
Glancing over at him, I let my fears and frustration go.
I can’t fix what hasn’t happened. I won’t prepare my children for doom and gloom when their focus is on soccer games and having fun.
Instead, I’ll take a card from my children. I’ll focus on the laughs I shared with my son today while waiting for the Dr.
I’ll focus on dance recitals and youth bowling leagues. Cheering on excellent report cards, goals, strikes, Christmas performances and upcoming parades.
In this household, that’s what life is all about. My husband and I realized twenty years ago, that we were just along for their ride. Sometimes there are bumps and bruises along the way, but we just hold on a little tighter and laugh a little more.