Hate Can't Win In Me

I really HATE this disease. I hate living in fear. I hate losing sisters. I hate losing friends. I hate the thoughts and worries that go through any survivor’s head. I hate that a child is right now suffering from this crap. I hate that a parent is right now planning a child's funeral. I hate that someone is now making arrangements for their family to go on once they lose or in case they lose their battle to this beast. I hate that someone is trying to cope without their loved one. I hate that someone is in pain because of this garbage. I hate missing my friends and sisters so much that I cry when I think of them and their families. I hate the aches and pain that I have had ever since chemo. I hate that big pharma will not work towards a cure of a cost effective illness. I HATE CANCER!!!

That was my Facebook post in one of my support groups yesterday and on my personal page today. So frustrating to be a part of something that causes such pain and devastation.

I always try to stay positive because I feel like I'm letting evil win when I mope too much. I’m a strong believer that if you allow negative energy to sit with you too long, you begin to believe it and live it. That will never be me. I hate cancer beyond reason, so here is my positive spin.

I lOVE my sisters and brothers that I met through this battle. I LOVE being able to celebrate their wins with them. I LOVE knowing that no matter what I go through, there will be someone who understands me. I LOVE knowing that you trust me to share your battle and to share your fears about this disease. I LOVE that I want to be there and will always be there for anyone that needs me. I LOVE that no matter how dark things sometimes gets, there is a light at the end of that tunnel. I LOVE that my father taught me to find my positive, handle what I can take care of and deal with the rest as it comes. I LOVE that I have found a spirit that will not be broken.

Please don't take offense, I don't appreciate any part of this disease, but I LOVE and appreciate my friendship with you!