Holding On a Little Tighter Today

My brain is on overdrive right now that I had to take a break and just free write.

I just came back from seeing a family friend in the hospital. That was one of the toughest things I’ve ever done.

I saw my friend when I first walked into her father’s room. I felt her tremble as I gave her a hug and just had to hold on a little longer. Holding onto my own sadness, I wanted to tell her that, I think your strength is amazing. You are a wonderful, beautiful, mother, daughter, sister and friend. If I could talk for your dad, he would tell you how proud he is of the strength and support you have been giving during this time. You’re holding your family together and I know that this time has been horrible on you. There are so many people praying for you and for your family. I’m praying for your continued strength.

Her brother woke up when he heard us walk in. The sadness in his eyes broke my heart. That sadness did not leave. I hurt for him because he moved with his job and hasn’t been here as much as he wants. I can imagine he wishes he had more time. I pray for him. I pray that he does not hold any guilt for not being here, that he holds on to every memory. His dad always held such pride when he talked about him. He loves his son so much. I hope in his heart he knows, that he is bringing his dad so much joy, peace and strength by being here. Your presence lets him know that it’s okay. I know that if he could, he would tell you how much joy you have brought to him, how proud he is.

When their mom walked through the door, the sadness was so great that it broke my heart. I have been sitting here for the past hour crying as I think of this family trying to come to terms with what is happening, come to peace with what the future holds, and yet still try to keep things normal for the younger children. 

I will remember hanging out at their house and the laughter that he would always bring to my time there. I will remember the talk he had with me one day about my future and making sure that I keep my head on straight and that we would always be family no matter time or space. I will remember all the work he did for veterans in our area. I will remember the fight that he waged for the past 10 years and still gives on this day.

Today is full of sadness. Today is also a day to hold onto family a little tighter, to shout I love you a little louder, to laugh a little harder, and to love deeply.