Happy Father's Day

I’ve been flying under the radar a bit for the last few months. I was working on finishing up the first 3 chapters of my thesis for my Master’s Degree and was so relieved to finally turn it in.

Other than that, I’ve just been moving along with being a soccer mom, bowling mom dance mom, wife, teacher, etc. 

Today, I watched my husband while he interacted with our children. Even on Father’s Day, he made the day about them in subtle ways that will make huge impacts. None of the crazy crew will ever walk away with a question of whether he loves them, but they will walk away with memories and a model of love. He’s pretty amazing.

Then I went to see my dad for a little while. I sat talking with him and my mom and just spent time relaxing and watching the World Cup. (YES I’m a huge soccer fan!!) It’s funny, as a teenager, I remember being holed up in my room, door closed watching tv or listening to music, waiting for a ride to come pick me up to head out with friends somewhere, anywhere. Now, it’s nice to just sit in my parent’s house and just be in their company, talking or not, but enjoying myself just the same. Growing up, I remember thinking that I was tuning my dad out because I was a teen that knew it all and he didn’t know what he was talking about. I was talking to my dad today and laughed to myself as I heard words that I tell my own children and my students and realize now where they come from. I guess I was listening to him all those years ago. There is wisdom, power, respect, and love in my dad and I know that I am so lucky to have been raised by him, more importantly; I carry that same wisdom...because I listened. He’s pretty phenomenal.

Whether a first time dad or an old hat I wish everyone a Happy Father’s Day!!

Spring Break

This spring break I was reminded that my parents are not immortal and regardless of the amount of work that I need to do on my thesis, time needs to be taken with them, laughing, loving, talking, enjoying and just listening.

I was reminded that it’s not the upbringing that you had that makes you who you are, it’s the strength that does lie in you, just waiting to be used.

I was reminded that words from the unlikeliest of places are sometimes the reminder needed to pick up, dust off and get myself back together.

I was reminded that regardless of what I’m going through someone else has a harder time and needs to feel loved, helped up, held onto, and redirected.

I was reminded to step outside and take in the beauty that nature is creating all around me, with color, with new life, with playing children, with walks on the beach.

I was reminded that I am loved, I need love, and I give love and that sometimes it doesn’t take the pain away, but it does make it less lonely.

I had big plans this spring break to get my thesis done, work on another project, and get ahead on my lesson plans. Instead, I watched a friend suffer a tremendous loss and tried to offer comfort, understand it, and deal with my own fears when he passed away.

 I took time out for my son’s soccer game today (great win!!) and enjoyed the weather and time with family and friends. Came home and painted toe nails with my little Munchkin, and now I’m sitting with my feet kicked up watching a movie with my husband.

Things don’t always go as planned, I’m nowhere near complete with any of my work, but it will get done. Late nights, long weekends, it will get done, it will get done. Just not right this second. 

Holding On a Little Tighter Today

My brain is on overdrive right now that I had to take a break and just free write.

I just came back from seeing a family friend in the hospital. That was one of the toughest things I’ve ever done.

I saw my friend when I first walked into her father’s room. I felt her tremble as I gave her a hug and just had to hold on a little longer. Holding onto my own sadness, I wanted to tell her that, I think your strength is amazing. You are a wonderful, beautiful, mother, daughter, sister and friend. If I could talk for your dad, he would tell you how proud he is of the strength and support you have been giving during this time. You’re holding your family together and I know that this time has been horrible on you. There are so many people praying for you and for your family. I’m praying for your continued strength.

Her brother woke up when he heard us walk in. The sadness in his eyes broke my heart. That sadness did not leave. I hurt for him because he moved with his job and hasn’t been here as much as he wants. I can imagine he wishes he had more time. I pray for him. I pray that he does not hold any guilt for not being here, that he holds on to every memory. His dad always held such pride when he talked about him. He loves his son so much. I hope in his heart he knows, that he is bringing his dad so much joy, peace and strength by being here. Your presence lets him know that it’s okay. I know that if he could, he would tell you how much joy you have brought to him, how proud he is.

When their mom walked through the door, the sadness was so great that it broke my heart. I have been sitting here for the past hour crying as I think of this family trying to come to terms with what is happening, come to peace with what the future holds, and yet still try to keep things normal for the younger children. 

I will remember hanging out at their house and the laughter that he would always bring to my time there. I will remember the talk he had with me one day about my future and making sure that I keep my head on straight and that we would always be family no matter time or space. I will remember all the work he did for veterans in our area. I will remember the fight that he waged for the past 10 years and still gives on this day.

Today is full of sadness. Today is also a day to hold onto family a little tighter, to shout I love you a little louder, to laugh a little harder, and to love deeply.   

Triple Negative Breast Cancer Awareness Day

Today is Triple Negative Breast Cancer Awareness Day.

Not a reason to celebrate, but a reason to bring awareness, to shout and demand for a cure against cancer.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I never knew that there were different types. I thought breast cancer, was just breast cancer. I walked in confident, knowing that there were wonder drugs, chemotherapy treatments, and a long line of women before me that were doing just fine. I would be just fine.

When I was told that I had TNBC, I was ignorant to what that meant.

My oncologist and surgeon gave me a quick, hard lesson.

There is no cure. There is no wonder drug. There is no standard treatment.

It was...”We’ll try this and pray it works. There is not much information on this type of breast cancer.” Matter of fact, at that moment, my wedding anniversary, they were holding the first symposium specifically for TNBC.

I left there with a feeling of hope because I figured that if they were doing this type of research then they must be close to a cure or were about to announce one.

Oh how naive I was. Not only were they nowhere near a cure; there wasn’t any treatment or drug. They still aren’t, there still isn’t. In fact, every half hour, a woman is diagnosed with TNBC. 

I am almost 7 years out from treatment. As I was driving to the store this morning, I thought about what this day is for me.

I wiped tears from my eyes as I thought about my latest problem that my sisters would like me to have checked out soon. I thought about my sisters that just passed.

Then I thought about my family and the things that I have yet to accomplish.

I am not cancer.

I am a mom of 4 beautiful children that bring so much joy to my life, that I am amazed of what they constantly teach me.

I am wife to a man that has supported me through each diagnosis, each challenge, each happy moment, each victory.

I am a daughter to the most supportive parents a person can ask for. Whether holding my hand and standing beside me or lifting me up to help me continue on, they have been there.

 I am a sister to two big brothers that make me laugh and help me forget all of the sadness.

I am a friend and sister to all of the people that are in my life, touched my life, enjoyed my life through all of the ups and downs we shared.

I am Angie...A warrior. 

Tooting My Own Horn

It has been quite a while since I posted and I've missed it a lot. 

A friend told me that I have to learn how to toot my own horn. When she said this to me I blushed and was speechless, and then just laughed it off. When I returned to my classroom, I read an email from my principal that shared similar thoughts. An earlier email from my assistant principal told me that she feels the same way.

For the past few days, I’ve thought about why it’s so hard for me.

I’m not a person that demands a lot of attention. As an adult, I feel pretty confident in who I have become. I stumbled a lot. I fell on my face a lot. Now, I’m finally feeling a sense of completion for several accomplishments. I finally feel like I am someone that my family can be proud of. Someone that I can be proud of. It’s not because I finally finished my degree. It’s because I finally followed the dream that I had since I was in the second grade. It’s because I finally began to be the person that I have wanted to be.

I didn’t announce my good news to anyone except my family.

A friend announced it on Facebook and responded stating that she “knew I wouldn’t do it.”

I worried that I would hurt someone’s feelings that may have hoped that they would get the honor.

I also thought about people who would hold this announcement against me even though it was out of my hands and was an honor given to me by others.

Ultimately, I did not want to feel as though I was bragging, but then as I began typing this up, I realized how stupid that sounds.

Sooo, here goes...

I was just voted Teacher of the Year for my school!!!!

I will tell you that when my principal shared with me that I was nominated again, I was floored, but I put in my application again and thought nothing more about it.

I was in my classroom taking attendance when the announcement came over the speaker and was so shocked, that I had to fight back the tears. My students cheered, but I was still speechless. My coworker came to give me a hug, but I could only give her a quick hug and then step back.

Let me tell you why:

This is only my second year teaching and I have so much still to learn.

More importantly, I work with the most AMAZING group of people. From the very first day, I have felt a bond with them all and knew that I had been hired at a special place.

I can walk into any room and know that the students are receiving the best.

I can walk up to anyone in that building with any question or concern and they will help me find the answers or point me in the right direction.

I can walk up to anyone and share a laugh, story, or just be my little goofy self and they won’t make me feel judged or small.

I can walk up to anyone and just vent after a hard day and they will listen, support, and kick me in the behind to help me up.

I have never felt out of place, inferior, or alone there.

I’m still working on tooting my own horn. I am not bragging and I don’t believe that I am better than anyone else.

To be nominated was an honor in itself. To actually win is amazing, humbling, surprising.